It is not easy watching your child in a rage. Biting and kicking his teacher. Ripping his shoes, socks, and shirt off. Blowing snot out of his nose and wiping it all over his face and arms.
But I've seen all of those before. Many times before. It's hard and I hate it,but I've also learned to emotionally separate myself from it, for the most part.
What really got to me this time was the scratching. Oh, he has scratched me before yes. But this time it was himself. Scratching hard all over his body to make marks. Or even bleed.
His teacher and I both know that if we draw any attention to it, it will feed the fire and he will most definitely continue this self-harm inflicting behavior.
But it is a terrible thing to watch. Awful.
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He is my child and I love him with all of my heart and I put so much energy into his life and all I want in this world is for him to be happy and successful and to know how wonderful he is. Not necessarily successful by the world's standards (whatever that may be), but successful as in functioning well in society, kind to others, doing good in the world, developing and letting their own talents shine through. That kind of successful.
So I worry when I see this kind of thing. Worry and pray my heart out. And pray and worry my heart out.
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Some things are too big to wrap up in a nice neat little box ending in everything is ok. Some things aren't ok. And will be hard for quite some time.
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But hope is still there.
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It spreads its wings and begins to fly. The weight is carried, for a time.
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With Christ.
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Will today be easier?
Will we learn from yesterdays tests?
Are we more prepared?
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I hope.
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