AND

One day I pulled out a notebook and tried to write a poem. It was difficult to find words that connected what I was feeling and thinking, and that would make sense to someone else, too. I never finished the poem. However, I am so glad I tried. I gained appreciation for anyone who writes poetry. Especially good poetry. And appreciation for myself for trying something out of my comfort zone. We all start somewhere.

Mary Oliver makes it look so easy:

“The oaks shone
gaunt gold
on the lip
of the storm before
the wind rose,
the shapeless mouth
opened and began
its five-hour howl;
the lights
went out fast, branches
sidled over
the pitch of the roof, bounced
into the year
that grew black
within minutes, except
for the lightening - the landscape
bulging forth like a quick
lesson in creating, then
thudding away. Inside,
as always,
it was hard to tell
fear from excitement:
how sensual
the lightning’s
poured stroke! and still,
what a fire and a risk!
As always the body
wants to hide,
wants to flow toward it - strives
to balance while
fear shouts,
excitement shouts, back
and forth - each
bolt a burning river
tearing like escape through the dark
field of the other.”

Maybe next time I try writing poetry myself something  comprehensible will emerge. Maybe not.

I was talking to a friend about the word “AND.”

Most thinks are actually connected with an “and” and not a “but.” 

Mary Oliver understood that with the lightening.

Fear AND excitement.

want to hide AND want to flow

It is both.

Can I be ok with both?

I’m doing things in my life that are 

hard AND wonderful 

scary AND beautiful 

exciting AND overwhelming 

sad AND happy

broken AND strong

success AND failure

It is both.

I can be ok with both.

Pieces of June

Brinna has the best imagination. I think I love it so much because I can relate to that part of her—my childhood is memory after memory of the things we would pretend play and imagine up. This particular day she was using a calculator as a phone and doing her “work.”

This one just caught me off guard though. She walked in with this toy storm trooper in a ziploc bag and announced “Mr. Poopy Butt Jedi is in trouble.” I don’t know anymore than that.

Baby girl became a pro at sitting in her bumbo seat at this time.

Some days I have an extra baby in the house who likes all the baby things. 

Another time I came out of the shower and found her in my bed all cozy eating chips.


About this time is when baby started loving her car seat toys. She would often reach for this toy and cling to it. She fell asleep with her two small fingers clutching it. 

Brinn loves helping Layla with the chickens. Occasionally she will go out by herself to feed the chickens. Though when she does that I’m never sure how long she will be gone with them or if the chickens will be released somehow. But I’m glad she’s learning how to care for them. It makes her feels so grown up to me.

Sweet sisters.

E and I got to go on a fun date night to a Johnson Files show. There are only a couple of people that I follow on Instagram that I do not know and Shawn Johnson is one of them. I loved their show.








Baby girl started rolling!

We sent Kyler off on an incredible, life changing trip to the Dominican Republic. We missed him so much but so glad he could go. This was our last time to talk before he got on the plane and they took his phone away for two weeks.

And that’s a wrap on the small things of June 2021.

slow down, resolutions reminder

I’ve been on the go physically and mentally pretty much the entire month of May. Exhaustion is creeping in, I think. I felt it last night. I love to stay busy and involved, but I need a reminder to slow down. Remember, to slow down was one of my new year's resolutions. So this is my reminder to myself:

Slow down. All of the things you have been involved in, planned, and carried out have been good. Now it is good to carve out time to be home and renew yourself with rest and the dailiness of life. A few days to catch up on house responsibilities and sleep will do wonders for your soul and your body. 

I hope I listen to myself. There are just too many things I want to do, I guess. 

One thing that has really helped me stay grounded during this busy month has been a daily walk. I wake up so stiff and in pain from my daily cancer meds. So I start the day with a walk through the neighborhood by myself. I couple that time with spiritual study and pondering and catching up on Marco polos. It has been the perfect way for me to start the day right now. I feel connected to myself, God, and others. That’s a good place to be at the opening of a day. I will keep it up until the dreaded Arizona heat conquers the early mornings, too.

Since I am talking about slowing down, I think this is a good time to check in on my other resolutions for this year. I also resolved to be more deliberate with my time. It is empowering to be in control of your time. Oh geez, I’m not perfect. But I have made huge strides, especially when it comes to social media, to be the master of my time and not waste away with mindless, unnecessary pastimes. My downtime is more deliberately chosen now to help me truly rest.

And my goal to read 52 books? I am completely on track with 19 books, almost 20, already finished. I jump between audible, my kindle, and (my favorite) turn the pages books and I love it. Jump on Goodreads of you want to follow along with what I’ve been reading.

Slow down. Be deliberate with my time. Read more.

sand from shoes

Tonight I started to feel annoyed when I had to get the broom out. But I quickly reminded myself of something.

One day I will be sad for the day when I am no longer sweeping piles of sand off of the floor, poured out when someone took their shoes off.  Because no sand would mean no little feet and no evening walks to the park. 

One minute to sweep up sand is definitely worth the laughter, the conversation, the sunset, and the memories. 

One minute of inconvenience is worth it. 

Those little feet are worth it.