A Night with Holly

Holly is the sweetest person who made us a coupon book of free babysitting, dinner, help with the boys,etc. and gave it to me at the adoption shower. What a perfect, thoughtful gift! Very much appreciated by me and Eric. So in Holly's words here is how it went the first night we used it (copied from Holly's blog, but I had to add it here because I laughed so hard!). Holly did an amazing job though! I just hope she doesn't mind if I still use the other coupons . . .

"so, a friend of mine, Laura, just adopted some adorable little boys.Kacin- 4 and Kyler- 5i was invited to her adoption shower... and being the cheapo that i am (lets be honest, i am like the WORST friend to have if you are looking for GIFTS... because i never remember birthdays and i never take the time or money to do anything thoughtful or buy you cool things)... i made her a coupon book.the coupons included free babysitting.
why offer such a thing, you ask?well, lets just say that Laura has been married for five years... and went from no kids- to two very energetic boys.the girl needs some time to herself, ya know?well, last night was the first time she used the coupons.and... i will be honest.i was nervous. haven't babysat in like... forever. i used to when i was 12... and then pretty much never did after that. do i hate kids? no. do i have experience with them? well... somewhat. i mean, i did teach primary for awhile... and i do teach music lessons to some youngsters.but something intimidated me about it.and i always feel like hanging out with kids is some foreshadowing of what kind of mom i will be. so if it goes well, i feel really good about myself. and if it doesn't... i end up thinking that people like me should NOT reproduce.and the thing is... its kinda too late!well, the night started out fine.the kids finished up their dinners... and then we began playing cars and trains.that's when the first funny comment was made.
Kyler: [handing me a girl Lego] you are married to KaisonMe: okay...Kacin: [putting both Lego girl and boy into the truck] lets go out to eat!Me: [trying to think what place a KID would like to go to] okay... how about McDonald's?Kyler: [in a stern and condescending informative voice] McDonald's is very bad for you.Me: [embarrassed] well then... i guess we will just go get... cucumbers?
i had already failed.here i was... thinking EVERY kid loves McDonald's... when really, turns out Laura had already taught the boys that there is such a thing as UNHEALTHY food.and as far as i was concerned... i had just led these boys to believe that i thought McDonald's was a healthy choice.i had already lost their respect, dang it.but OH it gets SO much better.here is the NEXT funny and VERY embarrassing moment:
K&K: [staring at my stomach] why are you fat?me: [not offended in the least] because i have a baby growing in my belly.K&K: how does it come out?me: [shocked, caught off guard... and trying to remember everything that i possibly have already heard about telling kids about bodies. at this point, all i could think was- 'Holly... stay calm. don't act awkward. if they think YOU think its awkward than they will think its awkward. don't give them TOO much info, just- answer the question matter-of-factly. its better they learn from you than from TV] um.... well... it comes out, down where you go to the bathroom.K&K: in your pants?me: [beginning to think that i am handling it all wrong] no, you have to take your pants off to have a baby.K&K: how come?me: [feeling more and more insecure about this topic] because, you know how like, when you go to the bathroom you have to pull your pants down?K&K: no.me: [thinking oh crap!] oh yeah, that's right, you are boys... well, i mean, like when you go poop- you have to pull your pants down.K&K: yeah. all the way down.me: [thinking i finally reached an end and wanting to change to subject] yep. you have to pull your pants down, and the baby comes out, and then its all messy and so they have to clean it off.K&K: its covered with food?me: [feeling relief at the fact that this question is easier to answer] no, just... stuff from being inside my belly.K&K: so how does the baby eat?me: [wishing at this point that i could go back in time and redo the entire conversation] it has a special tube- like a straw, called an umbilical cord- that helps the baby eat whatever I eat. and when i eat food, the baby uses the straw to eat some of my food. like... i had soup for dinner, so the baby had some too!K&K: [looking much more confused than they started out]
that's right folks.I RUINED THESE KIDS LIVES!
i am so unfit to be a mother its not even funny."